Heart of A Victor
by tickle ur peach
Summary: Haymitch saved Katniss instead of Peeta. What will happen when Katniss is in the Hunger Games and he's her mentor? ***NO QUARTER QUELL***
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Hunger Games Trilogy. Suzanne Collins does.

**Author's Note:** I guess I do ship Haymitch/Katniss. I know it's a weird shipping. I don't know how old Haymitch is in the books, but I'm going to make it up. In this chapter, Katniss is a kid and the scene will be Haymitch saving her instead of Peeta. Right now, Katniss is 11 and Haymitch is 26. I'm going to leave this up to see if anyone will like it so far, and if any do, I'll continue it. Each chapter will switch to Katniss and Haymitch's POV. Enjoy reading and please review!:)

* * *

Opening my liquor cabinet where I recently stashed the new drinks I bought was a major disappointment. There wasn't anything. Absolutely nothing. I groaned knowing I just bought some. How could it have been gone so quickly?

My memory got fuzzy on some parts, but I just remembered something. I drank all of it yesterday and that's why I puked my guts out this morning and slept until the afternoon.

Oh, well. Looks like I'll have to get more. I have endless amount of money I can spend on it so I can get how many I want. That seems to be my life right now.  
Drinking.

To get rid of the pain and misery and the nightmares away. From the Hunger Games. An event to be so-called entertainment for the people. Mostly for the people in the Capitol.

It's sick. Disgusting. The people who created it and continue to do so have no heart.  
I imagine President Snow to be hollow and dead inside to have no emotions when he watches innocent children dying for nothing. Just for his sick and twisted amusement.  
The innocent children will get haunted by the Hunger Games for the rest of their life.  
It's never going to stop.

No other Districts will make it stop. Start a rebellion. Especially not District Twelve.  
Which is why I drink.

I'm a mentor and my job was to keep the kids who are reaped alive. I'll get to see who I believe has the best potential to win and pick who is better than the other one.

I'm the only victor in District Twelve.

The parents and other family members give me looks of disgust and hatred when they see me because I've failed them. And also, I'm known as the drunk in this slump.  
That's what District Twelve is. A slump.

Looking outside at the window seeing it's raining was worse because it looks uglier. But I need my drink and I went anyway. It's only water. It can't kill me.

I went outside and was going to go on my way to The Hob and see Ripper. A guy who I get my alcohol from.

On my way, I saw someone laying underneath a tree. It was almost as if she were sleeping. The girl looked young...maybe around nine or ten? I don't know. These thin and skinny kids always look so young when they're not fed properly. She looked like she was around from the Seam because of her appearance. Olive skin, dark hair, but I can't see her eyes. She weakly opens them and close them.

That's what made me stop walking when the realization hit me.

The little girl was almost dying.

I've seen enough kids die throughout my lifetime. I don't want this one to go out right in front of me. I thought I had enough of that during my own Hunger Games. I don't want her to death to be on my conscious when there's something I can do about it.

Her eyes open again. They were gray. Gray eyes spotted me and she closed them. For good? I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I can't have her laying there.

I walked over to her and scooped her small and fragile body in my arms and carried her home.

/

/

The girl was laying next to the fireplace I started. She was tucked in a blanket.

She's still alive. I know that one thing. Relief washed over me because at least I got to save a life unlike I did for the other tributes in the past.

I didn't have much - food wise - but I made tea and heated some bread in the oven. When she'll wake up, I'll ask her if she'll want anything else.

/

/

The urge to drink was stronger than ever, but I didn't want to leave this little girl. I brought her in here and now she's my responsibility I have to take care of.

Just until she's on her feet, of course. She must have parents or other relatives or someone.

I watched over her wondering when she'll be awake.

Finally, she answered my question. I saw her tossing and she got up. Looking around. Having no idea where she was. She's clueless. She took the blanket off of her and her eyes met mine.

I smirked. "Had a nice nap, sweetheart?"

"What happened?" She rubbed her tired eyes and then yawns.

I don't have the heart to tell this kid she was almost dying of starvation. If she had parents, how could they let her out like that? What were they thinking? I know we're struggling here with food, but still! If I can make this far, then so can she.

"You were passed out under a tree. I got you some tea and bread if you want any."

She looked at me for a moment. As if observing me like she's unsure she should trust me. This must be weird and uncomfortable for her. She found herself in a drunk mentor's home and has no idea why.

"No. I don't want any." But her growling stomach says otherwise.

I chuckled. "I doubt that. C'mon."

She followed me into the messy kitchen. The tea and bread was there and she sat down on a chair.

Her nose scrunched up in distaste. At first, I thought it was the bread that smelled funny to her. I don't know about the bread. I barely eat. I only devour food when I'm at the Capitol. I hardly buy any food anymore.

"Your house smells funny," She looked at me. "Why is that?"

It surprises me she doesn't know about the District Twelve's mentor was a drunk. Everyone knows that about me.

What could I tell her? 'I drink alcohol to escape the nightmares of the Hunger Games, sweetheart. Believe me, if you'll ever get reaped and live after that, you'll end up like me.'

I crossed my arms leaning against the counter while she ate her bread and drank her tea. "This is what happens when you don't clean your room."

She thought about it for a moment. A look of doubt spreads on her face when she shook her head. "No it does not."

I chuckled again. "Just eat," So she did. "What's your name?"

Her mouth was full of bread when she responded. "Katnip..."

I tried to stiffle my laughter, pressing my lips hard together. I swear I heard her say Catnip for a second. "Uh...what?" I cleared my throat.

She swallowed. "Katniss. Katniss Everdeen."

"Nice to meet you, Katniss." I hope I won't have to be your mentor when you're older. You seem like a good kid.

Katniss smiled before drinking her tea. "You too, Haymitch."

"How old are you? Nine?" I guessed.

"I'm eleven." She scowled. Apparently, Katniss doesn't think of herself as a little kid and doesn't want anyone else to.

"Of course you are. My apologizes, sweetheart."

She rolled her eyes and mumbled a "Whatever."

When she was finishing off her tea and bread, I offered her anything else. Katniss only requested a small glass of water and drank that up rather quickly.

She was going to the door. Deep down inside of me, I hoped she will be alright getting home by herself in the rain. I won't mind if she would stay here until it stopped. I don't think she would want to anyway. She seems eager to get home.

"Get home safely, kid." I told her.

"I will. Bye, Haymitch!" She waved her goodbye and I watch her walk out of Victor's Village.

I hope Katniss wouldn't get reaped. Wouldn't have to face the horrors of the Hunger Games and get traumatized.

I don't think I'll be able to see her die again.

Tonight, maybe I should cut back on the drinking.


	2. Chapter 2

_*Four years later*_

The Reaping Ceremony was today.

I've made it for four years not getting reaped, but the odds are still not in my favor. I'm sixteen. My little sister, Prim, was in the age group to get reaped. She's only twelve. So young. Wouldn't hurt a fly. Wouldn't leave injured animals behind. Take them in and free them back into the wild. Except she is keeping a cat she found named Buttercup. An ugly and awful cat.

That's all I've been thinking about. The reaping and the possibility Prim could get reaped. I fear for her life more than my own. I don't care if I would get reaped. As long as she doesn't have to. She shouldn't deserve it.

Prim's screams woke me up in the morning and I was by her side. We sleep in the same bed because of this. I hold her in my arms singing Deep in the Meadow that always calms her down. It worked this time. It always does. Her nightmare was about me getting reaped and she saw my death on TV. I kept telling her that I'm still here with her and this isn't a dream. I am real. This is real.

We got ready to head to the Justice Building for the ceremony. I'm in a blue dress and Prim wore black shoes with pants and a big white shirt. I tucked the back of her shirt that's always out.

"Remember to always tuck that in, little duck." I used her nickname.

Giggling, she gives me a "quack". My mother had come in and did my hair into a braid like she always does. She enjoys it so I let her do it.

My family and I have breakfast and I always hope on this day it wouldn't be for the last time. The last time for me or for Prim. Gale dropped by to walk with us there and Hazelle was with the kids.

When we got in line to take the shot, I let Prim go in front of me so I can watch her. Gale always claim that I watch her like a hawk. But I can't help it. She's my little sister. I know he would do the same for Posy, but she's only a little girl still. She's four. I mentioned he would do the same for Rory once, but Gale said Rory thinks of himself as a man who doesn't need to be babied. Even though he and Prim are the same age.

I can tell Prim winced when she got the shot in her arm. My eyes follow her when she'll go to her age group. I got mine, but wasn't even aware of the slight pain. I moved on and I saw she got with the other twelve year old girls just fine. I let out a breath of relief I didn't know I was holding when I went to my group. My eyes searched for Gale and I spotted him. He gives me an assuring smile and it makes me feel somewhat okay.

Mayor Undersee ranted on about the history of Panem and the Hunger Games. I've heard it millions of times before. And learned about it in school. I don't care about that anymore. I just want to get the reaping over with. Bring Prim and Gale and Rory home. That's all. After the Mayor's speech, the escort rises up from her seat wearing her ridiculous costume, make up, and wig.

Her name is Effie Trinket.

I noticed the man beside her who looks familiar. Haymitch Abernathy. District Twelve's mentor. I don't see him in town that much, but I remember when I first met him. Actually met him and not just see him walking around being drunk. Today, he seems sober. I don't remember if I ever thanked him. For saving my life. I never mentioned that to anyone. I don't know why. Maybe they would find it hard to believe. I know Gale would. Also, considering how much he drinks, I highly doubt he will remember

It was...what? Five years ago...

Of course he wouldn't remember.

"Ladies first." I snapped out of my thoughts not realizing I missed what Effie was talking about.

_Please not Prim_, I begged. Pleading to anyone in the heavens to hear me._ Oh, please, please, please not Prim_. I kept repeating - _Not Prim_ - inside my head.

Effie took out the slip in the glass reaping ball and went back to the podium. "Katniss Everdeen."

I felt like everything in the world have stopped. My eyes widen and I don't even want to look at Gale for his reaction. I approached the stage where Effie was patiently waiting me to.

"Hello, dear." Effie greeted me and I just ignore her.

I don't know how I made it all the way up here with the hard lump in my throat and my eyes filled with tears. But I don't want to cry. I'm not going to. Not in front of everyone else. Especially, not in front of Prim at a time like this. I've keep telling her to stay strong for this. How will I look like to her when I completely break down?

I met Haymitch's blue eyes for a split second. They look like he's in pain watching me as I stand beside Effie. But why? Have he ever look that way before to other tributes? Or is this the only time he ever gives anyone that look? Because of what he did for me. If that's so, then he must remember. But he's probably just sorry for me like the other tributes. That could be it too.

My eyes look to the crowd wondering who will be the boy tribute. I desperately hope it wouldn't be Gale or Rory. Neither of them. I won't be able to kill them or see one of them get killed. Effie grabbed a slip from the ball and went to the podium to announce the male tribute.

"Peeta Mellark."

I know him. I see him around at school and his family owns the bakery. He works in there when I trade my animals from hunting for some bread. The blonde boy with bright blue eyes had come forth to the stage looking horrified.

Then Effie introduced Peeta and I as the newest tributes for District 12.

Looks like Haymitch will have to try to save me again.

/

/

Prim and my mother was the first to see me in a room of the Justice Building. Both of them were crying hysterically, especially Prim. She was the first one to fling her arms around me.

As much as I didn't want to, I can't fight it any longer. I broke down too.

"I-I want you t-to have this," She said through tears handing me the mockingjay pin I gave to her. In a way for good luck. Madge Undersee gave it to me for this a couple of days ago, but I know my sister needed it more than me incase if she does get reaped.

"But, Prim-" I began to protest.

"No, Katniss," Her voice was trying to be strong. "You need this now more than I do." She pinned it onto my shirt.

My mother hugged me next. I told her no matter how hard it was to fight going back into depression, never give up on Prim. When I'm gone or maybe dead, they'll only have each other. She understood and will listen to me. I hope she means it.

Three minutes later, they got roughly taken away from me by Peacekeepers. I was yelling at them to not touch Prim like that, but they obviously didn't listen and slams the door.

Next came Gale.

We rushed over to hug, but our meeting didn't turn out like I expected.

He kissed me instead.

I'm confused. "Gale-" I'm speechless. Not knowing what to say next. But I'm glad he interrupted me.

"I had to do that. Just this once. Incase..." Pain was in his gray eyes. I know what he means. He couldn't say it. "You know."

I nodded, understanding.

"Gale, please feed my family," I plead desperately to him. "Take care of them. Don't let them starve-"

"You know I won't, Katniss," He holds my shoulders making me calm down instantly at his touch. "I will always protect them for you."

This time, I hug him like I wanted to previously. So grateful that I have him in my life.

"I love you." I hear those words from him.

I let go to just stare at him. Once again, stunned and speechless. All of this happening so fast. I'm sentenced to my death. Gale kissed me. Gale told me_ he loves me._ The last part had hit me hard right there.

My mouth hangs open and I know I look like an idiot. But I can't respond. Can't find my voice.

"It's okay if you don't feel that way for me," He told me gently. "I just want you to know."

"Okay..." I choked. I just know I needed to say something to him.

"You're great with your bow," His sudden change of topic brought me back right to where I am. "Use that to your advantage."

"But killing animals is a lot different than killing humans, Gale!" I hissed.

"Think of them like that then."

But I can't. I can't think any of them in that way. Especially, Peeta Mellark. I met him in school sometimes and he seems so nice. There didn't seem to be a mean bone in his body or give off any vibe that he's a natural born killer.

I start to cry again onto his shirt and he holds me in his arms.

Then like what happened to my family, the door burst open and he got ripped away from me too.

That will probably be the last time I'll ever see Gale again. Recovering from the shock the kiss he gave me, I'm glad he did do that.

Because it's my first kiss.

/

/

Peeta and I were on the train together with Effie and Haymitch. Currently, neither of them are here with us. I sense Peeta's annoyance and I got that way too. Where could Haymitch be? Off getting drunk? That's likely. But he should be here with us.

Just when Peeta said he'll look for him, Haymitch bursted in with a flask in hand. And I knew it. He's already drunk. He sat in front of us, blue eyes observing us. Although, his eyes did linger on mine for a while than he did with Peeta. Part of me wonders if he remembers. But I can't ask right now. He's drunk and Peeta is here.

"Aren't you supposed to give us advice?" Peeta asked. The annoyance was evident in his voice.

"Yeah. Stay alive." Suddenly, he was laughing like crazy.

Peeta exchanged a glance with me, but I didn't return it. I just stare at my mentor.

When his laughter was dying down, I asked. "How?"

He looks at me to answer simply. "Get water. You'll need that more than anything." Then he went deeper into the details for the answer.

We listen to him intently not wanting to miss information. Just like Peeta is, I plan on coming home. I'll try to. For Prim.

Later, it's night and we've gone through many things already. I just want to go to bed after dinner. Not really tired, but want to be by myself.

Can't stand being in the same room with Effie and Peeta.

And I can't stand being in the same room with Haymitch. Who's now my mentor and will try to keep me alive. But he doesn't really have to _try_; it's mostly me that'll be doing the work, the effort.

Could he save me again?

* * *

**Author's Note:** I changed some things from the book. Not only to make it mine, but so it can make sense for this story. Like I think Katniss being reaped will turn out differently if she hadn't volunteered for Prim. Please review! :)


	3. Chapter 3

It was around the time when it was my tenth year to mentor tributes I knew District 12 will have no victors. I gave up that hope. The second time when I mentored, I felt like I was the one who murdered them and not the other tributes in the arena. Their lives were in my hands and I failed them. I failed their families. That was when I really started to drink. I didn't know what to do with myself. I could no longer be able to mentor anyone anymore and was thinking about committing suicide. Only at seventeen.

But I didn't.

I guess it was because there's this small sliver of hope. A dim light at end of the tunnel that made me to never give up. And to never lose hope.

I changed my mind about doing suicide when I mentored this girl when I was twenty. Her name was Amethyst and she had that fire in her like Katniss has. She made it until the end of the Games, but got killed by another girl in District Four. The District Four girl made Amethyst drown. She was only thirteen.

Katniss was the one who raised my bar of hope higher because of the almost same personality as Amethyst. Also, I noticed her mockingjay pin she's wearing. Her token. Mockingjays are despised by the Capitol. Never meant to be created. Maybe these Games could end because of her.

But that's just my fantasy. I'm setting the bar up too high, but I can never stop dreaming.

I know I won't ever give up on her. I'll try to save her as much as I can. The same to blondie (I forgot his name), but I already have a soft spot for her. I'll admit that. For now, I'll have to be fair. When it's the end of the Games, I'll have to choose.

And right now, my bets are on Katniss.

/

/

We're gearing Katniss and Peeta up for the Opening Ceremony. They're over at the Remake Center to get dolled up for it. To look like the rest of the Capitol citizens. I've seen how the District 12's tributes turn out to be and they're always the same. Every year. Makes me feel humiliated and embarrass for them, but the more I got used to it, I no longer care. I hope Cinna and Portia will put on a new twist. I expect something of Cinna because I know it was his first year to work as a stylist. I just want them to be remembered before they die.

I don't believe 'if they die' anymore. I know how my own District is by now.

I hope to make a difference this year, but I can't help doubting I'll even do that. I'm a failure at keeping my tributes alive in the past.

I'm in a room with Effie, the kid's prep teams and their stylists watching the ceremony. Katniss and Peeta already know what to do even if they're not aware of it. They can get the gist from the other tributes. Effie insisted that they should be told what to do, but I know they don't. They don't need to get babied all the time. I watch them as I take a swig from my red wine.

Then, something happened to them...

They were on fire. It's flaming on their backs and the audience's cheering grew louder. They look stunning. Mesmerizing.

Especially, Katniss. Peeta looks the same with a touch of make up. However, Katniss, looks not only beautiful with make up on, but intense. The fire adds the perfect touch to her look.

I'm impressed. I'm very impressed.

"Good work, Cinna," I patted the young stylist on his back complimenting fondly. "Good work."

"Thank you, Haymitch."

Looks like District 12 will finally get remembered for something.

/

/

I talked to the both of them about what skills they have. Peeta and Katniss agreed to discuss it together. It went...okay.

Katniss kept looking at me like I know what happened between us years ago. Which I do. I still remember. But what am I supposed to say to her?

'_Hey, remember when I saved your life? You should thank me._'

How could I say anything about that to her at all without sounding like an idiot if she doesn't remember? Maybe I'm thinking that she does remember. I don't bring it up and neither does she. We just talked about what they can do and Katniss can use the bow and arrow pretty well. Apparently, Peeta thinks of himself as worthless because he can't do anything other than work in the bakery.

My bets are still on Katniss.

At ten, they went down for training. I took a drink knowing that will be their test. Their score will be their result.

Later, we're eating dinner and the scores will get shown tonight. I'm not expecting much, but maybe a little for Katniss. It's rare that I have someone who can use a weapon. I want to know how badly the both of them did. As we're getting the main course, I'm fed up with the small talk and demanded to know what happened.

Apparently, the Gamemakers were drunk when Peeta showed up and he just threw around heavy objects until he got dismissed. That doesn't surprise me. It was typical. With us as the last ones, they had their fill of watching twenty two tributes.

I turn to Katniss. "And you, sweetheart?"

Her gray eyes look at me and I know what she's thinking when I called her that. She was eleven when I first used that nickname on her. It stuck ever since. I swear there's a small curve of a smile at the corner of her lips and it was gone in a second. Does she like it I call her that?

"I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers."

Everyone was instantly quiet.

It took all of my strength not to grin proudly at her. If she actually shot an arrow at one of the Gamemakers, it wouldn't do well for her in the arena. They will make it harder for her to survive. But she has guts to do that.

"You what?!" Effie freaked out.

Katniss explained more that she shot an arrow at their direction. At an apple out of their roast pig's mouth. It disappointed me that she hadn't shot an arrow at one of them. I still am proud of her for doing that. I'm sure she did have their attention. Makes me wish I was there.

She got worried about what kind of punishment they'll do to her or to her family, but I just said they'll only make her life hell in the arena. They really can't afford to kill a tribute before the Games haven't even started, anyway.

I couldn't help to ask with a chuckle. "What were their faces like?" I ignore Effie's look of disapproval she shoots to me. She wants me to get upset with her, but I can't. She should know me by now. I'm nearly ecstatic that I finally have a tribute who has strong muscles.

Katniss shows me her beautiful gray eyes again. It's not uncommon to see gray eyes around District 12, but for some reason, only hers look different to me. She was smiling when she answered. "Shocked. Terrified. Uh, ridiculous, some of them. One man tripped backward into a bowl of punch."

Everyone laughed out loud, myself included. Except for Effie, of course, but I see her smiling too.

After dinner, we went to the sitting room to watch the scoring. I don't care about the others except for 12 who comes last. Peeta got an eight which wasn't so bad. It was an average score so the boy should be proud of himself. With the way he's acting, I assumed he would get a five or maybe even lower.

Next came Katniss's score. I know she's nervous and anxious. She doesn't express it on her face, but her hands are balled into fists at her sides. I don't know how to comfort a person, but I feel like I should calm her down somehow. I walked over to her to rub her back and she gives me a small smile. Something warm went straight to my heart right then...

A photo of Katniss flash on to the screen and below it was her score.

Eleven!

My girl got an eleven!

Everyone and myself congratulated her because, well, she deserves it.

"There must be a mistake. How..how could that happen?" She frowned at me.

I shrugged. "Guess they liked your temper. They've got a show to put on. They need some players with some heat."

"Katniss, the girl who was on fire," Cinna said and she went to him so he could hug her. My arm was at my side and I felt cold. That warmth was gone. "Oh, wait until you see your interview dress."

"More flames?"

"Of a sort." He said mischievously.

Then she and Peeta congratulate each other and hug. It's great she got an eleven, but not so great for him that he got an eight. Maybe Peeta will feel jealousy she got a higher score than him. Or maybe he's using some tactic that I don't know of to make him appear weak like Johanna Mason did. Part of me hates him. He'll eventually kill her. If it wasn't for me, she would have been dead by now. There would be no Katniss, the girl on fire. But I haven't let her die. I revived her.

Only to let her get reaped for the Hunger Games.

I let them give her a death sentence. If she were to survive and win, then it's like she had signed her soul to the devil himself so the Capitol can play around with her. Make her into whatever they want her to be.

I let her live only to get killed by Peeta or by the others.

I hate myself too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Sorry this was late. I knew exactly what I was going to do for this chapter, but didn't know how to write this out. But I managed to do it. I hope you enjoy reading this and please review! :)

* * *

Haymitch and I sat together on the couch in the sitting room where he was talking to me about how I should present myself for my first interview with Caesar Flickerman.

It's not going great. At all.

I'm too mean. I can't fake anything I'm not. Trying to fake being happy was something I'll never be going to do. How can I be happy when, in a couple of days, I could die by a bunch of other kids? There's no way I'll support the Hunger Games. Or show the Capitol I'm happy being here at all. I'm torn away from my home and the thought of not coming back makes it terrible enough. Prim can't survive on her own. I know I have Gale to rely on, but I don't want him to have to put all of that responsibility on him when she's mine.

It's gotten to the point where I think Haymitch gave up on me. It's good for him to know now that I'm not a people person. It looks like he really needs a drink because of what I'm doing to him, but I rarely see him drink at all anymore. Well, in front of me.

"I don't know you. I don't know anything about you."

"You knew that I was nearly dying and you saved me." I blurted out. That was never meant to come out like that. At all. Those words were out of my control. I wasn't sure if have ever planned to say 'thank you' to him. If I ever would have properly, that will be awkward. For me.

He frowned. "You can't say that."

"Everyone will know just how really awful District Twelve is," I think of Prim and other people I know that are suffering. "Starving children everywhere..."

"And what do you think they'll do about it? Rebel?" He shook his head, answering his own question. "Nothing. They're just here for entertainment, Katniss." I just noticed something; he only says my name when he's being serious. Calls me sweetheart out of endearment and as a nickname. I'm learning to like it more. I hadn't thought of it much when I was little.

I rolled my eyes, scoffing. "Entertainment..."

He sighed. "C'mon, Katniss. Cooperate."

I let out a sigh too wanting more than ever to get this done. Eventually, he gave up on me. I felt kind of bad that I put him down, but I can't act to save my life.

When we were finished, we were going to leave, but both of us have stayed. Part of me didn't want to leave and be in my bedroom by myself. Peeta's not an option that I can be able to talk to. I shouldn't get too close to him when I will have to face him in the arena in just a few days. Why should I when he could kill me? I hope I won't have to be the one to kill him. I don't think I can. I don't think I can kill anyone.

Somehow, being with Haymitch makes me feel safe. Maybe it's because what he did for me. I'm sure I won't feel comfortable around if he hadn't save my life. He shouldn't have. It seems so pointless now because of the situation I'm in.

"You should go."

"You shouldn't have done it." I ignored his previous words.

He just looked at me. His face was unreadable. "Done what?"

I gave him a look, narrowing my eyes. It's painful enough I have to discuss this with him. I never intended to. I just wanted to thank him even though that might be silly. "You know what I mean."

"What did you want me to do?" He looked serious and his eyes was staring intently at me.

"Let me die."

"No," He nearly growled that made me slightly flinch. "What difference will that make?"

The more I think about it, I answer. "Nothing," Prim will have Gale to protect her and my death would make my mother more depressed as if she already wasn't. "That's why you should've-"

"Don't be stupid," He interrupted leaving it as that. This conversation was clearly over. "You deserve to live."

I ate dinner inside my room and only got a little bit of food. Thinking about the talk I had with Haymitch earlier today made me not want to eat as much.

/

/

"...she came here with me."

Peeta's declaration of love for me made the audience gasp and in shock. Including myself. It took me a while to let the realization sink in that he was talking about me. Haymitch never told me Peeta was going to say that. But I guess, that should be the point so I can be surprised as well and perhaps be crazy in love with him too. It still made me mad.

Caesar was talking about how that's bad luck and when they kept speaking, he thought I should go back out there to make a response. In my head I was begging _No! No! No!_

I think of Haymitch and the way he looks at me...

Wait. Why am I thinking of Haymitch like that?

I can't think of Peeta like that and I shouldn't when I could kill him.

Thankfully and fortunately, Caesar respects the rules and doesn't let me go back out because my time was already up minutes ago. He let Peeta leave and next we have to rise for the anthem to play.

Then the tributes go back into the Training Center and went up to the elevator to go to their respective floor. Finally, the elevator stops at the twelfth floor and when it opened, Peeta was stepping out. I roughly pushed him and he lost his balance making him hit into an ugly urn filled with fake flowers. The urn tips and shatter into thousands of tiny pieces. He was on the shards and blood was instantly flowing from his hands.

"What was that for?" He asked, aghast.

While I was shouting at him he had had no right to say that, the elevator doors opened revealing Effie, Haymitch, Cinna, and Portia.

"What happened?" Haymitch asked and I barely notice the concern that's laced within his voice. His blue eyes flickered to Peeta for a second then focused on me like I have all the answers.

"She shoved me." Peeta told them not in an angry way or was he complaining about it. He still couldn't believe that happened. Cinna and Effie helped him up.

"Whose stupid idea was this anyway?" I look back and forth at Peeta and Haymitch knowing they practiced for the interview just like I had with him.

"Mine," Haymitch stepped forward and he seems frustrated. The feelings that I was thinking of him earlier went right out of the window. My mouth open ready to yell at him, but he was continuing. "It's not stupid. It made you look desirable. Everyone's talking about you. The hot topic around the Capitol is now going to be about the star-crossed lovers," I was about to open my mouth again, but he stopped me. I hear him breathing out and he was calm. "This is the way it's going to be from now,"

I know what he means and I have nothing to say. He's right. He placed his hand on my shoulder looking at me and there was slight pity I can see in his eyes. It's the same similar look when I got reaped. The touch gave me those bits of warm feelings again, and somehow, I immediately forgave him. I just wish I got warn ahead of time. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." He apologized so low only I can hear.

I nodded and made a small smile to let him quietly know I finally understand.

/

/

Tonight is the night of the Hunger Games. I'm sure it's way past midnight. I laid on my bed alone staring up at the dark ceiling. Sleep was something I can't do. My mind was on the Games and what would happen if I die. Then I think of Prim and her reaction. It pains to think of that. When she cries, it's like your heart is breaking. Then I think of Gale too; he told me loves me before I left...

When all of my thoughts were getting to be too much, I need to get out of my room. To do something. To breathe. I sit on the chair in the sitting room thinking of everything Haymitch has done for me up until this point. Maybe he was right that I do deserve to live. If I died at only eleven, my family would be hopeless because I haven't met Gale yet. I wouldn't have been close to Haymitch like I am and if I somehow miraculously made it without his help, I know I probably wouldn't feel this way for him.

In the end, he's always right. And I hate that.

Would it be wrong to seek out comfort from him? That's what I really need right now. He took me in when it wasn't necessary. When I wasn't his responsibility to take care of. Would he take me in now? If he's drunk then...I'll just leave him. He probably is, but I have to try. I'm that desperate.

I'm at Haymitch's door and softly knock on it so I wouldn't disturb the others. I hear some noises behind it and then he opened the door looking scruffy. He was surprised to see me here. I don't blame him.

"Why are you here?"

"I can't sleep," I feel like a little kid. Like I'm the type of kid who believes there are monsters under its bed. "Can I...?"

He sighed, cutting me off. "Sweetheart," He looked and sounded in pain. Something was conflicting with him in his eyes. Small hope made me wonder if he does want to sleep with me too. "You can't. It will-"

"I don't care," I know what he's going to say before he would even say it. A tribute being with its mentor is wrong. "I'm already in the Games. Acting like I'm a star-crossed lover. What else can they do to me?"

He became serious. "Make your life like hell in the arena."

I rolled my eyes. "So?"

"Sweetheart-" He was insisting this time, but I don't want to hear it.

"Please, Haymitch," I nearly begged him. "You're the only one I can come to. I don't trust anyone else. This will be just one night, right?"

His eyes narrowed at me, not amused. "That's not funny." I wasn't aware that my question could be twisted into a sick joke.

"It wasn't supposed to be."

His expression softened and after a few minutes of silence, of thinking it over, he said. "Fine. Come in." He stepped aside so I can enter.

The awful stench inside his room was like alcohol. It doesn't seem to be like he was recently drinking. In fact, he looked like he wasn't asleep at all before I knocked on his door. I went under the covers of his bed and took in the warmth and the smell of Haymitch. Through all of the alcohol smell, I can barely make out Haymitch's natural scent from the pillows. He joined me on his bed and we're looking at each other.

"Feel better?" He asked me in a tender and caring voice I never heard from him before.

I nodded, feeling tired. I find my body moving at its own accord to get closer to him. He didn't object and let me stayed there, but hasn't touched me. His lips touched my forehead the moment I close my eyes to sleep.

/

/

I'm with Cinna at the Launch Room ready to go and meet my death.

I planned to thank Haymitch, but that didn't happen because Effie just so happened to waltz into his room for some reason and flipped out on us that we were sleeping together. He was making her to shut up about it and that she has a disgusting mind. I'm not sure if Peeta knows that whole fiasco. I hope he doesn't. It was a little embarrassing that it had to be Effie who dropped in. I wouldn't mind if it actually was Peeta or even Cinna instead. I just went back to my room to get ready.

Cinna was with me for the whole time to get ready and prepared. I wish time was slowing down like at a snail's pace. It was nice to be with Haymitch last night and it would be nicer if I would have thanked him properly. It would ease my conscious. But I'm afraid I won't ever get that opportunity. I don't blame Effie for that. I blame myself.

I feel nervous, scared, and even sick. I was afraid that I'm going to puke out my breakfast. My hands were shaking and Cinna started to hold them and we were like that as the time was counting down. His action reminded me of when Haymitch was rubbing my back. I think of how good that had felt...

A pleasant female voice announce it's time to prepare for launch. Cinna was reminding me of Haymitch's advice and he would bet on me if he could.

"Truly?" I whispered.

"Truly," He kisses me on my forehead. "Good luck, girl on fire." And then, a glass cylinder is lowering around me. He taps his fingers under his chin. Head high.

I lift my chin and stand as straight as I can. The cylinder begins to rise. I can feel the metal plate pushing me out of the cylinder, into the open air. My eyes hurt and watered a little from the brightness of the harsh sunlight and there's the smell of pine trees wavered.

Then I hear the legendary announcer, Claudius Templesmith, as his voice booms all around me.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy fourth Hunger Games begin!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Here is this chapter, finally. Had difficulties writing this, but managed to finish this. Yes, I have changed some things around from the book to suit for this story. There is a very good reason why I did. You'll just have to keep reading to find out.

* * *

Katniss finally healed her burn on her leg with water. I just send her some ointment that should arrive to at any time. That was literally pain for me to witness her suffering, but I know it's worse for her. She's strong. I knew she can pull through. She just ran into the Careers and Peeta who were going to kill her, but Peeta made them leave her alone and set up a camp. I wasn't sure what that boy's agenda is anymore. He and any of the Careers could have easily killed her. But Peeta didn't want them to.

She suddenly spotted Rue in the darkness and the little girl pointed to a nest of tracker jackers. I connect the dots on what she wants Katniss to do. That's a very smart little girl. Katniss crawled to the nest and used the knife to saw it. A couple of moments later when the anthem ended, she stopped and her gift arrived. She looks relieved and fortunate like gold had fallen from the sky.

She took it and unscrew the lid discovering what it was. "Oh, Haymitch. Thank you." She whispered to me.

My heart rose. "Your welcome, sweetheart." I whisper back even though she couldn't hear me. No one has ever thanked for me their gift before, they're too greedy. However, I don't ever blame them. Any gift was a way to have yourself get saved.

Katniss spreads the ointment on her calf and it seems to working. Healing her. When she got finished, she put it in her pack and continued to saw before the sun will rise. A few of the tracker jackers came out and stung her a couple of times when she continued to saw. She looked like she was trying not to scream out loud so the Careers and Peeta would wake up and notice her. Those stings will give her more pain than the burn on her calf. They're deadly like nightlock.

After more sawing, the nest finally went crashing down. Split the nest and all the tracker jackers went after the Careers and Peeta forcing them to run away from them. They ran from the lake and two girls was behind. One girl managed to run free from them, but the other wasn't so lucky. I think her name is Glimmer or something idiotic like that. The cannon had fired off - she's dead.

She got off from the tree and took things from Glimmer and started to run for it. Then, she felt the affects from those stings of the tracker jackers. Katniss looks like she is dizzy and is clumsy because she can barely use her legs without falling down. Already experiencing hallucinations because she's reaching for things that weren't ever there.

She went running around until she hit a tree and blacked out.

Meanwhile, they showed Peeta who got stabbed in the leg by Cato. He fallen back and clutched it pain.

"I don't know why you bothered to join us, Mellark," Cato spit at him. "You're pathetic and useless!"

Through all of that pain, he struggled to respond. "Because...I have someone to live for."

For a second, he didn't get it then he eventually understood. "Oh, right. Your whore," If looks could kill, he would have surely been dead by now. If only he hadn't injured Peeta I know that would happen. I would have knock him out too; my fists were clenched at my sides. "Don't worry. You'll see her face up in the sky tonight."

With that, he ran off and so did Peeta managed to run free from him and the tracker jackers. Not much of action was going on with him so then they viewed the other tributes.

I began to worry about Katniss wondering how she's doing. The screen changed to show and Rue. Thankfully, Rue was the one who saved her. When Katniss got awake, they made a pact to become allies. I try not to groan out loud. Rue appears as a smart kid. But that what worries me. She's just a kid and might be a disadvantage for Katniss. Rue is an easy target. But you need to take whatever you got in these Games.

"Looks like our girls are together, huh, Haymitch?" It was rather a statement than a question from Chaff, an old friend of mine.

"Yep. It looks like it..." I nodded. Not really too proud of Katniss picked a kid out of all people, but she could have chosen worse.

They make a plan to destroy the Careers food. It seems like a longshot, but I hope it'll work.

/

/

Surprisingly, they succeeded their plan but...

Rue is dead. A District 1 boy threw his spear at her. As payback, Katniss killed him with her arrow.

That was difficult for her. I know it. The audience must be sobbing over this. Victors around here are not. Not one single tear was shed. Our hearts are black and can feel no emotion after the torture we've been through.

But it was hard for me. I don't show any emotion in front of them when Katniss sang to her and buried her. While she was crying, she still had a beautiful singing voice. Seeing Rue die and Katniss's reaction was like a cruel replay of Maysilee's death all over again.

Six of them were left. That isn't so bad. Only five to get swept away by death. Claudius Templesmith's voice congratulates the last survivors and announces to them about the feat they'll have tomorrow. Lead them all to the Cornucopia to battle for food just like the bloodbath at the beginning for the weapons. For the rest of the day, Katniss was just trying to be out of the way. It's a good move because no one was coming after her and she wasn't going after anyone else.

It was the next day for them and during the feast, there was chaos. Clove died by Thresh. Katniss explained to him what happened to Rue, and thankfully, spared her. Cato was upset about Clove and took his anger out on the both of them.

His crazy blue eyes lit up with delight at the sight of them. It looks like he was mostly staring at Katniss. "Hmmm...I've got the girl on fire," A wicked smile appeared on his face. "Must be my lucky day. Where is your boy toy, Everdeen?"

Katniss narrowed her gray eyes at him as Thresh's hands were balled into fists. "I have no idea where Peeta is. I thought you had him killed by now."

The love angle we're trying to play apparently wasn't in her mind at the moment because her tone assumed she doesn't care about him. It was difficult to make Katniss act like she's in love with the boy, but she doesn't realize by doing that it will save their lives. But I think her perspective of Peeta changed when she discovered he was with the Careers. I don't blame her for not accepting to go along with the act. It was a stupid tactic, but the only thing we got.

I don't know how I would act if she actually went for it. If she actually has real feelings for Peeta.

"Unfortunately, I didn't kill him. I don't think he's dead. Yet. Only one of us can find him."

"You mean only _two_ of us." Thresh said in a low, threatening voice.

He tackled Cato to the ground and was pounding him. Katniss looked like she was ready to strike an arrow at either one of them. But she only has two left. She better use them wisely. She should use this time to get the things she needs and run for Peeta. Not standing there like an idiot. I rubbed the bridge of my nose knowing all of this will end up badly.

It'll be really shocking if Peeta will win.

At least she's not like the other tributes who would have already joined in their wrestling match. Finally, it seems to click in her mind that she should move on. She gathered the supplies from the Cornucopia and ran. Go after Peeta as the boys fought. The screen mostly focused on them. Thresh had Cato's dagger and made a gash on his leg. They rolled around and fought until Cato was on top having the weapon back to him.

"You can see your precious Rue again." Cato growled and sliced the boy's neck. Thresh released screams of agony as blood spewed out of his throat and splattered on to Cato's shirt and face. His cannon went off.

Many of Cato's mentors smiled and nodded in approval and gloated over his work. The way they cheered for him makes me feel sick, but I suppose I'll feel the same if it were Katniss or Peeta. I was proud of Katniss when she killed Glimmer and that boy for Rue. I was even proud of Peeta when he had the guts to join the Careers and killed that one girl.

It switched back to Katniss where she was hunting for Peeta. Running around madly looking like she has no idea where she's going, but then again, she does. The sound of the cannon firing made her run faster. I wonder if she has an idea who could it be. She probably fears it could be Thresh so Cato will go after her. They're going after the same person for one reason.

Katniss better make it to him first before they both stumble upon Peeta together.


End file.
